Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
