Your tits are I can't wait for
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
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The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
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She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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