if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
