It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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