The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
