Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
this just has baby written all over it
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
