After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
