he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize