i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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