shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
