And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
