I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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