so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
