im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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