dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
