She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
