You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
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Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
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Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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