I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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