I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
