It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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