They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
