Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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