I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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