I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Randomize
