so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
