look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
we should paint friendship bongs
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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