No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
