I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I show you my penis last night?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Two words: blizzard sex
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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