Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
