Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
