Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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