I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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