I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
