erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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