we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
