So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
