Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
