I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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