Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
