i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
