im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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