I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
