Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
