I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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