I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
