i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
