some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
