You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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