Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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