i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
