We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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