I need to stop coming to work sober
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
