So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Come share oat with me in your robe
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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