dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
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He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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