so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
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Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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