Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
