Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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