the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
