I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
