I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
