If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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