Im at strip club and am horny
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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