We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He did a backflip because drugs
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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