She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
