I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
