glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
