so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
