finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
