She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
