I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
