just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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