He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
