she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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